Baby steps I have to follow

There will always be a kid in me.

I finally know that now, nineteen years and seven months into this life. Though I may be considered an adult by many, I still laugh and cry at the simplest things such as when I witness the beauty of the sunset or allow the cool breeze that come along with the rain to caress me whenever I'm overwhelmed by the busy and stressful days that await me.

Yes, I will always be that kid.

I tend to hold on to things that even when they are taken away from me, I refuse to accept the fact that they are. I was never a big fan of coming into terms with something. I long hated the feelings that rush to me once I do. It's a mix of everything and it gets confusing and frustrating, I can't begin to attend to each one.

But I guess there’s a kid in each and every one of us.

We refuse to face the realities of life even though it has been there, right in front of us, for so long. Some of us even pretend that these problems don’t exist at all, dismissing the thought of being left by a loved one through a break-up, thinking that there are far more important things in life to focus on than a recently ended relationship.

However, it’s only when we see the child in us, we see the adult in us too.

By being aware of the difference of the two, we gradually and eventually learn how to let things go—especially the ones we have no right to get a grip on, those that shouldn’t be holding on to (at least not anymore). We grow, we mature, we move on. We have to. Although it may feel like “one step forward, two steps back” for a time, sooner or later we are impelled to stop regressing and start going forward full speed ahead. That, or we get stuck to where we’ve always been: rock bottom. And mind you, it’s not such a pretty place to stay in for a very long time.

I like the adult in me much better, though.

Truth is, I like being responsible, despite the fact that it wears me out almost all the time. Knowing that I can do anything, even turning my life around, keeps me going. The comforts of being a kid will surely be missed. But to an extent, that having someone to take care of me all the time and watching over my every move can be a bit limiting is an understatement. Just like everybody else, I thrive to be on my own, to take ownership of my self. How can I do that if I remain a child forever?

Still, I’m not saying goodbye.

I know for a fact that I’ll still be meeting with the child in me very soon, because life has been made to have an unexpected nature and I’ll never know when the next “crisis” happens, when the adult in me will feel very lonely. But until that moment, the child in me will be missed.