Never forget who you are

Call me boring but I was never fond of action films. Growing up, the only movies I wanted to watch fall under the romantic comedy (or drama, sometimes) category—making suspense, horror, and action completely out of the picture. I was too safe a girl; even my movie choices were limited to those that have happy endings. So you wouldn’t imagine my reaction when we were asked to watch and write a reflection paper on Colombiana.

Because of my ignorant and naïve nature though, I didn’t even know what it was about. I was too busy with my other classes that I didn’t allot some time to take a glimpse at the movie trailer. I thought it was going to be yet another tear-jerker since those kinds would be (obviously) relevant to our class. But when a friend of mine who recently watched the movie in the cinema addressed the lead character as “killer,” my expectations were proven to be wrong. Although I wouldn’t want to see the film for myself, I had to and so I did.

It wasn’t that bad, to tell you the truth. But I believe it could’ve been better. I honestly wouldn’t want to watch this movie if it weren’t a requirement. I was predisposed to not like action films because they promote violence in a long span of an hour and thirty minutes to two hours. It just wasn’t my cup of tea. Anything that involves the police or the FBI only means a lot of complications a romantic comedy fan like me can’t exactly understand. If I had the chance to review it, I could’ve taken a huge amount of points off because of the excessive time allotment for gunshots and bombings. The plot and storyline was simple enough: a girl witnessed and so wants to avenge her parents’ death. I wished they left it at that.

But before I get ahead of myself, there were some points I would like to focus on. First would be the family dynamics in the film. At an early age of nine, Cataleya witnessed how her parents were killed by one of the men of her father’s boss. Cataleya’s dad, Fabio, decided to leave his life of drug smuggling but his boss Don Luis, despite giving him his blessing and wishing him well, wanted him killed. Fully aware of his coming demise, Fabio planned to flee and bring his family with him. As I’ve observed, Cataleya was trained well to survive in case something bad happens. She was equipped and knowledgeable on what to do next. Fortunately, she was able to escape the hands of her parents’ murderers. She travelled all the way from Columbia to US to live with her tiyo Emilio and her grandmother. They became her family from then on.

She was particularly close to her uncle; he brought her to school and then taught her to be a killer. She learned everything she could while living under their roof. In the same way as Cataleya’s parents died, her tiyo’s son was also killed. This event made him want to avenge his son—just like how, in years later, Cataleya too would try to avenge her parents. She worked as her uncle’s hitman and at the same time finding a way to avenge her parents’ death. To date she killed 23 people.

By the end of the movie, we see Cataleya getting on a bus for an unknown destination. The police weren’t able to catch her and since she has already gotten her revenge and killed the people involved in her parent’s death, I believe she might consider starting over. She might possibly stop being a killer. Besides, her “boyfriend” Danny, who doesn’t even know anything about her, claims that he loves her. At least she has something to look forward to in her “new life.”

Throughout the course of the film, what really struck me most was that Cataleya always had an escape plan. Even at an unguarded territory and in places she has never been to, she knows how to work her way through and around it. She has been taught well to be able to develop those skills. Unfortunately, this made me see the film as pure fiction because in reality, we don’t really have escape plans—or at least not all of us are fully aware of it. She was just lucky to have them.

Also, I know growing up without parents and without knowing what will happen to you as you travel across the world into the place where your dad said you’ll be safe in is pretty tough, but Cataleya didn’t show a hint of fear or sadness only until she was reunited with her tiyo. This inability to feel was further developed in her growing years and was evident in her acts of killing and murder.

Perhaps another lesson I got from the movie was that we should allow children to grieve and express themselves. Parents should be able to guide them through their emotions day-by-day, instead of just letting them do it by themselves. That way, hidden anger would be well understood. Tiyo didn’t know about Cataleya’s other agenda (killing people who took part in the death of her parents) until it was published on newspapers. This made him very angry and disappointed. Through this, I have seen that open communication is a must for every family and group. We’ll never know what’s going on in the minds of others unless we engage in conversations with them and try to address these problems.

And finally, for my last point, I have learned in the film that traumatic experiences from childhood really, for most people, stay and change the way they view life. Sometimes these events can even be the motive to do other things, evidently seen in Cataleya’s life. If not guided and taught appropriately, children will grow up not knowing right from wrong. I guess I’m very much thankful that despite the number of trails and challenges I’ve faced in my life, my family and friends have been very supportive and helped me cope with those undertakings. I know that I’ll have a good life in the future because I have been taught well while I was growing up.

Two of a kind

If my twin sister Karina dies...

Whenever people find out that I have a twin sister, they always ask me what it’s like. Their questions range from the usual “How does it feel to have and be a twin?” to the most bizarre (but still very common) “When she gets sick, do you get sick as well?” or simply put “Do you feel a certain kind of sadness when she does?” I’d answer them as honestly as I could—the obvious and expected no to the weird questions and the countless “I don’t knows” to the usual ones.

To tell you quite frankly, I can’t explain what life is like having a twin sister. Perhaps it’s due to the very fact that it’s the only life I have. Everything I do is with her. We had the same set of clothes, friends, rooms, and things growing up. I don’t even say “I” as much as I say “we.” I barely say “I live in…” but “We live in...” We’re a buy-one take-one kind of thing. We’re a team.

It’s funny though, to be asked what would happen if she dies *knocks on wood* or if I never had a twin. It had been something I’ve been asking myself since we were little kids. I don’t get it; people want to have twin children or be a twin themselves when they fail to understand how being one isn’t as fun as they expect it to be.

You see, to have a prettier, smarter and nicer sister like Karina isn’t all highs. Being the lesser twin has been a life-long challenge for me. I always have to prove that I too can be as good or maybe even better than her. Whatever she does, I have to do twice as hard. It’s as if her very existence is a threat to mine. And it becomes frustrating as each day passes because people has undying love of a habit to compare us.

Good thing we (mostly I) surpassed the comparisons when we reached fifth grade (maybe because of the separation of our parents). Our bond got stronger; we became the best of friends and promised to help our mom with taking care of our family.

All the while I thought it would be us, together forever, but that changed when she went on her Junior Term Abroad in Singapore for five months. Prior to her trip, the longest time I haven’t been with her was a week. So her JTA posed another problem: I had to learn how to do things on my own and finally move at my own pace. I must admit it was really hard for me because I have been very dependent on my sister. But I guess at some point I just have to grow up, and this was the perfect opportunity.

In the event that she dies, it would be sad, to say the least. Since we don’t really live with our family for four years now because of college, her passing would greatly affect me compared to our other siblings. It’s certain that I would grieve for her everyday. Despite that, her death wouldn’t stop me from pursuing our goal of helping our family. I’m pretty sure my sister would want me to do so. Still she would be my motive, my inspiration to do things. She may not know it but I think she’s my role model of some sorts. Only that, I can and will be my own person.

Yes, my life as a twin may be difficult. But it has taught me a lot of things I know I won’t be able to if I was a singleton. Besides, I wouldn’t have an instant best friend (and occasional worst enemy) if I wasn’t one. With that, I probably wouldn’t have my life any other way.

Strategies and whatnots

You might have to learn a thing or two about living.

Even from horror movies. Because, well, life can be pretty scary too, but we get by.

No exits

The only way out is through.

- Robert Frost

The Southern Way

To describe The Prince of Tides as a good film would be an understatement.

If anything, the beautifully-made layers of conflict and resolve that govern the movie deserved more than just an applause, but a standing ovation. No wonder it garnered a handful of nominations and awards when it was at the peak of its glory. With such a captivating story and riveting cinematography to boot, it's impossible for one's eyes not to stay glued to the screen while watching it. (Except when you're a kid and you don't understand it yet, as I did. I remember how my mom used to watch the film over and over again because of her love for all things Barbra Streisand while I would easily fall asleep next to her.)

The movie exceptionally showed how members of a family experience the same grief but react to it in totally different ways.

Tom Wingo, despite being agonized by his problems, laughs about everything. This method, as he would fondly call it, is "the Southern Way." He had always wanted to forget about the life he lived as a kid but the memories of which never seemed to leave him.

Savannah, Tom's twin sister, on the other hand, took a different identity as Renata Halpern. She wrote books to express herself, release her emotions, and share the wretched past she experienced with her family. She also had countless suicide attempts just to forget and escape from the terrible life she has. This eventually forced her to regularly consult with her psychiatrist, Susan Lowenstein, to get better.

Then we get to Lowenstein, who although is not a member of the family, knows most of their secrets and is therefore affected too. She has family troubles on her own but delays solving them by burdening herself with other people's conflicts.

I could identify myself with these three characters on various levels. Sometimes I'm a Tom who thinks my problems would just go away by always looking at the brighter side of things. I too can be like Savannah, I face my life with a mask that hides who I really am and what I really feel towards certain issues. I also find peace in writing my feelings down. And then I'm a Lowenstein for the very reason that I busy myself with less important aspects of my life like school and org work while neglecting to face my family conflicts. Like her, I'd rather solve other people's problems than mine because they seem a lot easier to handle.

But then I know that I should face life head-on. I just have to learn how to solve my problems as they come and go, else they'll just be stuck there and pile up into something I can't handle anymore. It pays to be courageous. Much more, it saves time and emotions too.